I have had a bad day today. I’ve actually been doing well since I found a scripture in D & C 74:1 which says that the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife.
Today on Dr. Laura though, an LDS woman called in about her husband of 7 years has been hiding that he doesn’t really believe all this time and has been drinking when he is out of town. He is a pilot so he is out of town a lot. I felt so bad for this woman. She has been living a lie her whole marriage.
I am left wondering if anyone is really who they say they are? There are so few members of the LDS church compared to the world’s population. How can the only true gospel, the only way back to God, be so exclusive? Even those that are members are struggling as evidenced by my husband and this woman’s. I know others too. Why is it so hard? Why doesn’t God help us out a little more? Doesn’t He want us back?
I don’t know why it is so hard for Him to just let us know what we are really supposed to do. All we have is the scriptures. They are apparently not enough though as evidenced by the many many different churches o the earth. Everyone has a different interpretation of them. We have prophets. I have always believed they were prophets. Yet, in my case, it would be easier to believe that Joseph Smith was wrong and the things we are taught in the Mormon church are wrong. It is actually the source of my pain, knowing that there are degrees of glory in heaven instead of just heaven and hell. I pretty much know that I will never be able to be admittted into the highest glory now and I did nothing to disqualify myself except marry the wrong man. I thought I had it right. I tried very hard to assure that I married a man that believe what I do and wanted the same goals as I . I was even careful to marry a man that I believed God himself told me was a good match. I had prayed about several other guys before my husband and had received a “no” answer. I always believed that God had told me “yes” on my husband. So, if I married the guy that God told me was a good risk, what more could I have done?
I wish there were only heaven and hell to worry about. It would be easier to handle now. You either pass or fail. All this degrees of glory only makes me sad and hopeless because now I don’t know where I will end up. I can live a good life and still not get the greatest blessing. It is confusing and my heart is broke. There is part of me that wishes that the church were a lie. It is believing that what it teaches about eternal life that is causing me so much pain.
I feel your pain, I really do. In fact, I feel almost exactly as you have described. The thought of an eternity stuck in a lower degree because I didn’t live “perfectly” even though I am/was a good person is agony. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t even been born into the Church. But it does bring me some peace to know that I am not alone with this. So thank you.