Sundays theme was Prayer. Sacrament meeting, Sunday School, and Relief Society, all about prayer. Pray often, pray about every thing, pray in your closets, God knows what you want/need but wants you to ask for it first.
I have spent years trying to stop praying for everything. God gave Nephi…(the 3rd or 4th???), great blessings because He said He knew that Nephi would not ask for anything contrary to God’s will. That impressed me. I started saying “if it be thy will” on everything I asked for. It was hard at first. Sometimes you want things so badly. Life crashed and I still kept it up. It was hard. Eventually though, I felt like a record with a skip in it. Every prayer was the same. I had also tried to stop doing the repeat prayers that sound so trite. I started kneeling and just saying, “You know what I want/need”. Then I would just kneel for a while and try to imagine I was in God’s presence for a while. Sometimes it was very rewarding and other times, just so so. Then about a yearago, maybe longer, I started feeling that prayers were a waste of time. They were always the same, things did not change so they weren’t being answered. I started to just cry everytime I prayed because it felt more hopeless to pray and be faced with the knowledge that it did not do any good. It just seemed stupid too to ask for stupid daily things like ” please help me on my test today” when something as important as eternal salvation did not seem to matter to God enough to help so in the scheme of things, getting an A on a test did not seem worth asking for.
After the lessons on Sunday, I thought maybe I had gotten off track. Maybe I needed to start praying again. Maybe I wasn’t getting help because I had stopped asking for it. I ended up laying awkake all night praying/asking for what I need/what I want. I really believed that I would get something now after all this time. By morning, I felt even more alone and abandoned by God than ever. NOTHING!
I’ve felt a little self- destructive since then.
Prayer
May 22, 2008 by wearyart
5 Responses
Leave a Reply
-
Blog Stats
- 319 hits
Meta
-
Recent Comments
Summer in Utah on Is it all just a lie? Jay on A Good Talk wearyart on Prayer kweenmama on Prayer Price moyo on Prayer -
Recent Posts
Pages
Archives
-
Spam Blocked
I stumbled upon your blog on accident. I have read every post. I know your feelings. I know your loneliness. I experienced much of what you have–and then the ending of my first marriage as my husband sought companionship from other women. It seemed as though my pain would never end. Even now, as I look back on those days I can only describe them as dark. Dark, dark days. But, I made it through. I survived it, and now I thrive! You will too. From what I read, I can tell you are strong. Deep down inside you are strong. You will be a light to others. You have not been abandoned. Don’t believe the lies of the adversary. You are not alone. Don’t give up. You will survive this, and you will help others along the way. We will be judged for our own sins, not those of our spouse or our children or anyone else. The actions of a spouse CANNOT keep us out of the celestial kingdom. Individually, we work out our own salvation.
You will be in my prayers.
If he divorced me, i might start to feel hope again. My pain derives from the fact that I still love him dearly. He loves me. But in spite of that love, we may not be together after we die. I am filled with dread to think that I am going to be “given” to another when all I want is him. It is not fair that other righteous people get to have “their” families forever. Through no fault of my own, I will not qualify for that blessing. It is not fair. Heaven sounds like hell to me.
Are you still there? Am going through the most difficult time in my life. I would appreciate prayers to help me
It is good that you love your husband. That is how it should be. How much do you love yourself? And do you feel the love of God in your life? Do you FEEL His love for you?
It might be a good idea for the two of you to go to counseling together. If he refuses to go maybe you should go alone so that you can sort out your feelings.
Just some suggestions. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
NO! I don’t feel God’s love. I feel like God has abandoned me. I do not believe he wants me or cares what happens to me.
I went to counseling and I got tired of hearing the therapist tell me “Stop feeling like that.” “Stop thinking that.” If I could turn it off, I would have done it years ago and saved myself a lot of pain. I have always worried about my eternal consequences. I dont know how to turn it off and not care anymore. I also believe that not worrying about it is the fastest way to wind up in hell.