I have finally had to come to realize that the reason God has not made any attempts to help me through this is because I am a lost cause. All my fears and concerns are meaningless because they all asssume that I am worth saving. I bought into the idea that the church teaches that we are all “Children of God” and that he loves us. I believed it. I actually thought that he cared about me and would eventually show me some light or help me out.
Instead, yestderday, he called a new Bishop. Of all the worthy men in the ward to call, he called the one who drove the final nail in the coffin of my husbands apostacy. I was looking hopefully for the change to mean something to me…and maybe my husband. Instead, I feel llike God just gave me the finger. I don’t know where to go with this. I just finally accept that God does not care about me. I don’t know how I am going to get through the rest of my life. I am nothing more than the empty shell of a damned soul.
