This last week had been really weird. I feel dead inside but I don’t really feel like I want to cease to exist. I have been pondering the state of things, the meaning of life, God, happiness.
I have so much to be happy about. I should be happy. I spoil it with too many “what ifs.”
I am so worried about being happy in the next life that I am missing out on the happiness I should be enjoying in this life. Why do I let that get me so down. The bottom line is, if I let myself be happy, what if I forget to do something that I need to do to be happy in the next life too. But I dont know anymore what I am supposed to do in preparation for the next life so why worry about it? It is a dilema that I cant let go easily enough. I wish I could. I am working on it.
I have much to be happy for and I am going to find a way to enjoy what I have. I wish I could follow the concept, “Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.” My problem is the “tomorrow we die” part. Then what.
